Desperate Home Sellers Resort to "Parting out" Their House

   I recently read a story in the Boston Globe about a couple in East Baldwin Maine who have decided to "part out" their house and donate the Jonathan Porter murals to a local museum. It seems the owners of the house were unable to sell the house after two years on the market without so much as a verbal offer. So they have resorted to doing what many Mainers who are stuck with a car do when they can't find a buyer. Selling it for parts. Well not really. They are actually donating the murals to a local museum after removing the walls where the murals were painted (and making themselves eligible for a serious tax deduction) and sending them to the Rufus Porter Museum in Bridgton.

But this got me thinking about how much I could get for my house if I were to sell it in pieces rather than all at once. The lot alone should be worth about $100,000 because of its location and pre-existing well and the sewer connection. Then we have the some wicked modern propane wall mounted forced hot water system should go for about $8000 (unless someone finds out that it needs to be "rebooted" after every power outage), then a few thousand for the copper pipes, a couple hundred for the copper wiring and then another couple hundred for porcelain. Which brings us to the real money makers. The wide pine floors and the beams. Since the house was built in 1830 it is post and beam construction and if you have ever priced out a a 12x12 beam for an architectural effect in a new house that is over 20' long you'll know that I am sitting on a gold mine.

Then we have the foundation materials. What do you think your landscaper would charge you for a piece of cut granite that is 6'x4' and 10" in height? Multiply that by 5 then add in a couple hundred smaller pieces that would be perfect for steps or retaining walls and all of a sudden you are talking some real money.

So if you happen to see me this weekend with a large crowbar and a sledgehammer feel free to stop by and make me an offer on some fireplace mantles. I'll make you a great deal. Just don't tell my mortgage company.

Damariscotta Region Prepares for Pirate Invasion or Tsunami

Citizens of the Pemaquid Peninsula and specifically the Damariscotta/Newcastle Greater Metro area are hastily preparing their defenses for an apparent Pirate Raid or Rendezvous scheduled for their town this Saturday, June 11th sometime between 10 and 4. Although recent encounters in 2009 and 2010 resulted in no deaths, a couple of dropped ice cream cones, a few pathetic slaps and very little property damage, trying to predict what a bunch of bloodthirsty buccaneers are capable of after consuming several gallons of homemade grog is impossible.

Preparations have been under way for some time at the Newcastle Harbor House where cranes were being used today to fortify sections of the wall to withstand whatever size canon ball the pirates have in their possession. Last year the defense of the area was left to a small band of very brave but entirely ineffective militia who could not keep the voracious horde from ransacking the town. Probably because they were too busy eating BBQ provided by the good folks at the Newcastle Public House (who remind you that Wednesday night is Mug Club Night).

Up and down the peninsula the state workers have been erecting signs to help the local coastal population flee in the correct direction rather than being brutally assaulted by inebriated out-of-staters who arrive by boat. Although the State of Maine says that it is just Tsunami Prepardness, paid for with a grant from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, it must be noted that a Tsunami has not struck the coast of Maine, or more specifically the Pemaquid Peninsula, in recorded history. The same can not be said about pirate attacks. In 1632 the dread pirate Dixie Bull attacked the Pemaquid Settlement with three ships making off with 55 British pounds, a couple of wicked nice outboards (they wuz jest layin' theyah)t, several lobster pots (probably just caught up on the keel), 10 cases of Allen's Coffee Brandy and a carton of Newports. At the time settlers thought it was a delegation from Augusta but it did in fact turn out to be a pirate raid.

So hide your valuables, put on an eye patch (poke a hole in it so you can have some depth perception, don't want you to trip on my account), grab the kids, a fake sword and watch the pirates loot and plunder the town. It is, after all, just good clean fun.